When my mother died my ‘best friend’ was nowhere to be seen
DEAR ABBY: A childhood pal, “Brenda,” moved away 20 years in the past. Despite the fact that we had been residing throughout the nation from one another, we remained shut.
About 10 years in the past, I misplaced my 9-month-old nephew to most cancers. It was extraordinarily traumatic for our complete household. His dying occurred across the time Brenda and her household had been visiting her dad and mom right here on the town, so I notified them concerning the wake and funeral preparations. Abby, they by no means confirmed. I used to be heartbroken and didn’t discuss to Brenda for a couple of months. After she apologized many occasions, I began to speak to her.
A couple of years later, Brenda’s mom handed away. I used to be there for her and her household from begin to end, and when she was sick, I’d take her mother to physician appointments. Final 12 months my mom died after a quick sickness, and I once more let my pal know. Once more, she was a no-show. Cash was not an issue for aircraft tickets for different issues, however too costly for me to have the consolation of a supposed “greatest” pal.
Ought to I ignore this once more or let the connection fizzle out? I’m harm and have expressed this to her. She says she’s sorry, however nothing adjustments. — DISAPPOINTED IN NEW YORK
DEAR DISAPPOINTED: Please settle for my sympathy for the lack of your mom. It’s time you reevaluated your relationship with Brenda. You could be her greatest pal, however she is clearly not yours. A greatest pal is somebody you may depend upon. When the chips are down, Brenda has been absent. When you want to maintain her as a pal, accomplish that, however with the understanding of her vital limitations.
DEAR ABBY: I’m finalizing the visitor listing for my marriage ceremony and face a dilemma. An off-the-cuff however long-term pal of ours is the ex-boyfriend of my maid of honor. The 2 are nonetheless associates and see one another often, so there isn’t a difficulty there. The problem is whether or not or to not invite his live-in girlfriend. I do know typical marriage ceremony etiquette often consists of vital others, however on this case?
First off, we barely know her. More often than not when our pal involves our home, she doesn’t come alongside. After we go to his home, she’s gone or appears to keep away from us. We’re having a small yard marriage ceremony, and the ex-girlfriend and the brand new girlfriend have by no means met. Is it crucial to ask her? I need to be respectful, nevertheless it appears difficult for everybody concerned, and I’d reasonably not have it detract from the day for my maid of honor. — BRIDE-TO-BE IN OREGON
DEAR BRIDE-TO-BE: Not figuring out the ex-boyfriend’s new girlfriend, I can’t supply perception into why she appears standoffish. It could be that she’s socially awkward and never comfy with individuals she doesn’t know. To exclude the live-in girlfriend could be not solely disrespectful to her, but additionally to her boyfriend. I don’t advise doing it since you may create long-lasting harm emotions and unwell will.
Pricey Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, often known as Jeanne Phillips, and was based by her mom, Pauline Phillips. Contact Pricey Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Field 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
