In unquestionably the funniest rumor of the offseason, the Carolina Panthers are reportedly purchasing Sam Darnold.
Okay, okay — we all know this has been kind of dispelled by everybody requested, however it’s nonetheless unimaginable. Imagining the Panthers enjoying onerous ball for months over Baker Mayfield, solely to then hope to search out a good larger sucker to take Darnold off their arms is solely elegant. Particularly contemplating there’s an an identical difficulty with Darnold making approach an excessive amount of cash in relation to his efficiency, and principally being a one-year rental for anybody concerned.
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Let’s think about for a second that somebody determined they did wish to commerce for Sam Darnold. Hell, everybody makes dangerous decisions typically. I purchased some athletic capris in 2014 considering they’d look cool — they didn’t. If somebody needed to acquire the quarterback equal of athletic capris listed here are the very best trades you might think about.
Seattle Seahawks commerce … a 15% off coupon for the Pike’s Place Fish Market
I don’t assume the Seahawks would need, or want, Sam Darnold. This group is wise sufficient to know they’ll end with a high draft choose in 2023 and be capable to purchase an actual QB consequently. Nonetheless, I believe a stable low cost fish coupon would get the job executed right here.
Panthers GM Scott Fitterer was once in Seattle. At this level I’m certain he’s lacking some good contemporary fish. It’s not that seafood is unobtainable in Charlotte, however it’s on a complete different stage within the Pacific Northwest. Hell, he may even eat a few of Darnold’s contract in trade to eat some scrumptious halibut.
Denver Broncos commerce … a Denver omelette, minus all of the fixins’ that make it a Denver omelette
Right here’s a group who want a backup quarterback. Have you ever seen Denver’s depth chart? After Russell Wilson you’ve obtained Brett Rypien … no one ought to ever depend on Brett Rypien.
I don’t assume the Panthers ought to anticipate a lot in return, as a result of we’re speaking a couple of commerce for a backup. So I believe three gently coagulated eggs would do the trick. It’s not truthful to ask the Broncos to incorporate diced peppers, ham, or cheese in return — Carolina can deal with that ingredient.
Cleveland Browns commerce … two hyperlinks of Polish sausage
It is a beneficiant deal. Personally I believe Darnold is simply value one hyperlink, however necessity pushes the deal increased. So much hinges on the ultimate punishment of Deshaun Watson right here, and whereas Cleveland already has Jacoby Brissett if they need a caretaker to assist bridge the hole they need to add Darnold to the combo.
What I like about that is that straight up Mayfield for Darnold offers had been rumored again when the Panthers had been first exploring a Baker commerce. Now Carolina has Mayfield, and so they may get two hyperlinks of sausage too.
Atlanta Falcons commerce … a used CD copy of “Stankonia”
There’s a reasonably clear succession line in Atlanta because the Falcons look to start out Marcus Mariota after which transfer on to Desmond Ridder — however I believe they’ll perform a little higher. Mariota is world’s higher when wholesome, however that’s an enormous caveat. You don’t wish to throw Ridder into the fireplace if Mariota goes down, so that you throw Sam Darnold into the fireplace.
All it prices is a used Outkast CD. I believe it’s absolute theft for Carolina to get such a top quality piece of musical genius for a horrible quarterback.
