“Unicorn” is up there with “new regular” and “positionless basketball” so far as phrases I’d like to see faraway from my mind. Any massive man with guard expertise is dubbed a unicorn, and we’re led to imagine the NBA is a legendary universe populated by elves, dragons, and wizards. Properly, technically the Wizards have a unicorn, however we’re by no means certain how lengthy the glue will hold the horn connected.
This unicorn narrative is deceptive. There’s an enormous distinction between an enormous man with guard expertise and an enormous man with guard expertise who additionally strikes like a guard. Once you classify each tall man who can shoot as a unicorn, the time period loses its impression.
When the motion was simply starting, Kristaps Porziņģis, Karl-Anthony Cities, Anthony Davis, Joel Embiid, Giannis Antetokuonmpo, and Nikola Jokić had been all given the excellence. In the present day, there’s a unicorn on each block, and I’m having a tough time discerning why Starbucks espresso was so nice within the first place.
We had been in such a rush to make use of the time period unicorn that each 7-footer with a jumper fell mechanically certified, and I’m not optimistic what number of of these authentic six nonetheless match my definition of a unicorn.
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That’s why I believe we should be extra inflexible when doling out roses as a result of the league is seeing an inflow of expert massive males, and lopping all of them collectively is deceptive and generates NBA groupthink (aka NBA Twitter). And if you happen to’re following alongside, groupthink is essentially a foul factor and destroys individuality, creativity, and NBA Twitter for that matter.
So entertain me as I attempt to clarify this to you such as you’re 5 years outdated whereas we check out who coined the time period, who qualifies for this distinction, how unicorns fluctuate, and if we must always simply retire the time period altogether.
The origin of the unicorn
My analysis factors to Kevin Durant because the originator of the time period unicorn (and naturally, he takes full credit score for it). KD used it to explain Porziņģis, and it not solely caught however blew up. The humorous factor is, unicorns have been round for awhile, we simply didn’t have a phrase for them, and satirically sufficient, I believe Durant and Dirk Nowitzki had been the godfathers of the motion.
Durant outlined the time period in broad strokes to convey that Zinger was distinctive. Whereas I agree, I believe we have to take it a step additional, and take a look at unicorns as bigs who’re guards however larger.
Durant and Nowitzki are unicorns, in my thoughts, due to how briskly and agile they’re/had been at their dimension. If you happen to had been to ask peak Dirk and Durant to emulate the short, nearly out-of-control stepback three that Damian Lillard shoots, they may not be capable to do it at Dame’s tempo, however the movement could be fast and fluid relative to their body.
Now think about fadeaways from Joel Embiid or Nikola Jokić. It takes a perceptible tick longer to assemble and get off these photographs. They’re larger guys clearly, however I’d argue we’ve seen facilities with comparable physique sorts within the NBA earlier than. Embiid jogs my memory of a younger Patrick Ewing, however even then I nonetheless suppose Ewing’s first step was a contact faster.
I chortle each time an announcer factors out that Joker has developed the Dirk one-legged fadeaway. It’s not simply lazy as a result of each are European bigs, it’s extraordinarily offensive to Dirk, who was a real unicorn. Younger Dirk and even prime Dirk moved rather a lot higher than Jokić ever has, and that stepback was institutional. The Mavericks put his rattling silhouette on the courtroom.
Jokić shoots that fadeaway so sluggish you can smoke an entire hog within the time it takes the Nuggets’ heart to go from initiation to launch.
Now, I do know the principle takeaway from the headline and artwork is, “Deadspin author says Jokić isn’t a unicorn,” which is right, however I by no means mentioned he was dangerous. You will be an MVP and never be a unicorn.
So in an effort to not get fucking destroyed by NBA groupthink, permit me to additional clarify what I believe a unicorn must be.
Eras have dictated who’s, and isn’t, a unicorn
I discussed it 15 million occasions, however I outline a unicorn as an enormous man with guard expertise who additionally strikes like a guard. There are a few the reason why making that distinction is necessary. The primary is for my psychological well being as a result of listening to “unicorn” 17 million occasions within the lead-up to the draft is complicated as hell. The second motive is we’re about to be inundated with massive males with guard expertise, and the entire level of calling a participant a unicorn is as a result of the legendary beast is supposedly extraordinarily uncommon and laborious to seek out even within the realm of fantasy.
We didn’t stumble into the land of unicorns; we’re simply in a unique period of hoops. Positionless basketball is to thank for this, and it’s about time coaches found out that any argument in opposition to constructing a flexible ability set is asinine.
Whereas the NBA hasn’t all the time had unicorns as a result of old-school methods had been inflexible in gamers’ roles, it has had guys who might’ve been unicorns with extra progressive approaches. Hakeem Olajuwon, younger David Robinson, and early Shaquille O’Neal had been all one-of-a-kind athletes who moved like gazelles for his or her dimension.
We all know concerning the Dream Shake. The Admiral scored 71 factors in a sport when it was actually laborious to do. Who is aware of if Shaq ever might’ve developed guard expertise to provoke from the perimeter, however I believe individuals who name Antetokounmpo a modern-day Shaq are onto one thing.
Whereas Giannis won’t be capable to shoot with a guard’s effectivity, he rattling certain strikes like one. I imply, he jumped over a New York Knick in a sport. Take into consideration his block in opposition to Phoenix within the NBA Finals. What number of gamers within the historical past of basketball might make these performs? The reply is like 5 guys, perhaps.
We could have by no means seen a middle who can go like Jokić, however there have been comparable visionaries, and I don’t suppose I’m out of line once I say Jokić’s physique kind will not be that distinctive for the NBA. There’s nothing bodily hindering Antetokounmpo from passing the ball in addition to Joker. The Greek is a reasonably good distributor in his personal proper; he simply doesn’t have the sixth sense like Jokić, Magic Johnson, or Larry Fowl.
That mentioned, Jokić and Embiid won’t ever be capable to do what Giannis does. I don’t even need to ask if Embiid or Jokić might leap over a participant to complete a lob in transition. I do know the reply. The one query is who will get harm worse making an attempt it?
Talking of accidents…
A unicorn can lose its luster with age or damage
This brings me again to Porziņģis, who was a unicorn throughout his apex in New York. The man moved fluid for his dimension and was damaging on protection. Now, after a bunch of accidents, he’s merely a 7-footer with guard expertise. Wizards followers (and doubtless KD) could protest once I say that, however after just a few scotches, they’d admit that this Zinger will not be the identical man who was king of New York for a short while.
Washington Porziņģis is harking back to late-ish stage Nowitzki when he couldn’t transfer his toes quick sufficient to remain in entrance of smaller gamers, however possessed the swish footwork and size to be a bucket. Although Porziņģis stays efficient as a scorer and is having his greatest manufacturing as a professional, he, like outdated Dirk, isn’t the awe-inspiring beast able to altering league landscapes.
We’ve solely seen a few unicorns age so the info is inconclusive. They will flip into massive males with the ability set of a guard, like when Sam Perkins ran three-point line to three-point line on the finish of his profession, or defy Father Time like Durant has been in a position to do.
Whereas KD has sustained accidents, too, he all the time picks up the place he left off. There have been stretches this season when the Forehead has proven how efficient he will be when wholesome, however individuals have seen he’s not transferring like New Orleans Davis. His unicorn-ness has been tarnished, and I’m undecided if he’s one of many 5 guys who might pull off the Giannis finals block anymore.
Earlier within the 12 months, I wrote that Davis must be centered on remaining spry and agile as he will get older as a result of cumbersome massive males don’t age the best. No matter displaying us that he can placed on weight and nonetheless dominate, he hasn’t been in a position to do it constantly, and I believe just a few Kareem Abdul-Jabaar yoga periods and weight loss program would assist greater than chugging protein shakes.
That’s why I’m fascinated on the prospect of Antetokounmpo seven years from now. My guess is he’ll nonetheless be a world-class athlete by any measure, however will the bodily dropoff be simply sufficient to make his few weaknesses obtrusive? That’s the place Jokić and Embiid maintain the higher hand as a result of their effectiveness isn’t predicated on quickness and explosiveness. So in principle, their video games ought to age higher. Their our bodies? That I don’t know.
Embiid and Jokić are the following evolution of facilities within the NBA, however they aren’t unicorns. They slot into their place as a result of they’re not positionless. The one method they don’t occupy the center is that if Mike Malone or Doc Rivers super-size the lineup, are drunk, or each.
An argument to finish the unicorn argument
My private motivation for asking the artwork division to morph Jokić right into a hippo was that I assumed it could be hysterical and would make Nuggets followers piss vinegar/bong water. (Screw you, Dale!) The altruistic and extra broad impetus is that labeling gamers within the NBA must be extra enjoyable than unicorn or not. Everybody deserves their very own spirit animal.
He’s a GOAT, he’s a unicorn, he’s a tarantula, he’s an octopus (or is it a klaw?). Properly, the Joker jogs my memory of a type of hippos that dance in Anastasia. He provides us artistry in an unassuming car. He’s sluggish, however elegant. No motion is wasted as a result of he can’t afford to expend the power.
Additionally, hippos are one in all the deadliest animals on the planet and can chunk you in half if you happen to don’t be careful. Pablo Escobar’s former pets are actually thought of an invasive species in Columbia, however that doesn’t actually work for this analogy as a result of you possibly can’t name foreigners an “invasive species” even when they’re step by step taking up the league. (Final hippo reality, apparently solely a small proportion of males ever reproduce, so that they may very well be ornery for different, extra pent-up causes.)
When a unicorn is on the ground, you realize it. Giannis taking three dribbles to go from halfcourt to hoop is wonderful regardless that he does it frequently. He’s continually blowing our minds as a result of it’ll by no means be normalized. I really feel the identical method about watching KD crossover helpless wing defenders and stand up for a 17-footer like he’s a 7-foot Devin Booker.
That’s not the case for Embiid. Certain, he’s doing issues not sometimes seen from massive males, however his dimension and physique kind is a longtime cannon. It’s not inconceivable {that a} heart with an analogous body might do what he does with an open-minded teaching workers.
I’ve by no means seen a participant with Chet Holmgren’s physique do what we expect Chet can do. Now, Chet isn’t Giannis as a result of nobody is Giannis, however each are from the identical mental property. Shit, upcoming No. 1 general draft decide Victor Wembanyama is from outer house if LeBron James was to be believed.
I hesitate to present LeBron credit score for something, however kudos to him for not going straight to unicorn — even when his selection was sort of insulting. A bit bit. That’s (largely) the sort of management and forward-thinking we’d like. At the very least till NBA Groupthink co-opts “alien,” and I’ve to write down one other 2,000-word ambling analysis paper arguing that not each 8-foot heart is an “alien” and that point actually is on a endless loop.
