Earlier than Synthetic Intelligence takes over this column (primarily as a result of it really works cheaper) I’m reprinting letters acquired.
Those who start “Expensive Silly” and counsel what I can do with myself I’ll keep away from — regardless of big-time gratitude for his or her novel strategies.
Deep thinker Eugene printed two separate notes Might 13 and 15, on lined composition paper torn from a pocket book.
Wrote his unsharpened pencil: “Nice you confirmed up Chris Christie. Thanks.”
New Jersey’s Marion: “Thanks for sharing however I don’t at all times agree with you.”
Norman’s typed 8-by-10 pages on the Declaration of Independence knowledgeable me: “New York’s remaining model was signed July ninth, days later as a result of they awaited Nice Britain’s reconciliation.”
Might Normie be taught the whole lot in England stops for tea.
Plea bargaining
White Plains’ “Linda” ends with — “Kiss Mike Goodwin for me.”
So lotsa luck, Mike.
A belated Easter be aware: “Learn you. Sustain the great work. I’m from Jersey. I like Trump!”
The Designer Greetings card bore the brand: “Printed in China.”
Central Park Bunny’s neatly typed letter stated she’s sending me puns.
She forgot to stay any within the envelope.
Manhattan postcard handwritten in ink invited me to a play studying.
The come-on to get me excited was her P.S. which learn: “Refreshments from Zabar’s.”
A two-pager — lengthy hidden due to requested confidentiality — tells of her now deceased relative who made “a lot of cash.”
Well-known for “photographing well-known actresses,” he was a “slime . . . sexual pervert” and for me to watch out for him.
Hear, I’m additionally a giant learn in prisons.
Like one in Cumberland, Md. Figures it beats phrases often written on their rest room partitions like “For a very good time, name Kitty.”
This author, locked up for one thing he didn’t do — resembling wiping his fingerprints off the protected — is out now however hasn’t written since.
Should be he discovered Kitty.
One other, a Collins, NY, correctional facility inmate — additionally behind bars wrongfully, as a result of he not solely couldn’t stay inside his revenue however couldn’t even stay inside his bank cards, praised me with “God bless you a lot as He can since you minister significant stuff.”
Some stargazers
On Raquel Welch, who did p.r. in Philly: “Guys round whispered: ‘My spouse’s prettier’ . . . ‘My date’s lovely in comparison with her.’ Folks need stars trying good and never in a do-it-yourself robe trying like a poor soul or brown mouse.”
Joe on Perry Road: “Following Prince Philip’s loss of life I despatched a sympathy card to Queen Elizabeth — and bought again a thanks acknowledgment from the queen.
Your stuff on Meghan Markle’s excellent!”
Jersey’s Lois loves my “writings” and asks, “Did Kamala’s affairs get her the place she is?”
(Please. Even Kamala doesn’t know the place she is.)
A Piscataway psychic predicts Harris within the White Home.
Additionally: “Earthquakes, volcanic eruptions plus 7 years of diminished daylight.”
OK.
Higher darkness than Kamala.
A New Rochelle man’s six-pager knocks all religions, says “politicians are corrupt, we’d like new folks so let’s use immigrants till they get up.”
Large ink stink
One long-long letter urinates strongly on AOC.
No phrase about me.
No trace if the author reads what I say or not.
Not one phrase relative to me, about me, or coping with me.
Clearly, my fan mail’s IQ runs the gamut from A to B.
And it’s solely due to the New York Put up, children, solely due to the New York Put up.
