At last month’s arraignment in Atlanta, a guy in an Uncle Sam costume said: “The Constitution’s my birth certificate, socialism’s my death certificate.”
Onlookers, clueless, asked who’s the guy with the striped pants and top hat? Told he was “Uncle Sam.” They asked whose uncle he was.
Next July 31 marks the 170th year of the real Uncle Sam’s death. Samuel Wilson — Uncle Sam — was born 1766.
Troy, NY, has a large “Uncle Sam” statue. Why? Wilson, a meatpacker there, provided beef to the War of 1812 military.
His “barrels of beef” were stamped “US” — the initials of “Uncle Sam.” Also made men’s collars and buggy whips. It was called “collar city.”
Left now is only the “Uncle Sam” legacy. May their Uncle Sam last longer than those collars or buggy whips.
Uptown barstoolie
Great lawyer Michael Cohen? Seen regularly constantly steadily in the Regency Hotel bar and grill. Spends the time bitching about losing his NY law license. He uses the saloon area — the hotel’s near where he lives — burbling and grousing about what happened to him. Using the bar and grill much like it was his office. Regulars say he sits there in his jeans practically kissing the waiters.
Resurrection vow
Also gone and over is the Friars. Fried is more like it. Now comes a thing called “The ReFriars Club” — whateverthehell that is. From their page the following: “A loosely knit gang of Friars Club expatriates reuniting to share all things fun and fraternal. Details of lunches, cocktail mixers and other club-centric events will be listed here; to be held at various venues throughout the city. Open to all former Friars Club members, their families, friends and anyone who has ever dreamed of joining.”
Right. And if you can get Milton Berle, Frank Sinatra, Henny Youngman, George Burns, Abbott and Costello, Gracie Allen, Desi Arnaz, George Gershwin, Judy Garland, Sophie Tucker, Jimmy Durante, Jerry Lewis and Sammy Davis back for their regular lunch — lotsa luck.
Lingua frankly
Also over? The Hamptons. Out there calls us cityfolk “Cidiots.” Author Miles Jaffe has the area’s local language: “Cleaverage” — what men want from women. “Scum” — self-centered urban males. Sleeping your way to the top — “shags to riches.” Dumpsters? “Trasholes.” Trust fund kids? “Trustafarians.”
His book’s “The Hamptons Dictionary: The Essential Guide to Class Warfare.” It is not in the Library of Congress.
In their clutches
Handbag designer Nancy Gonzalez faces 25 years behind bars from the feds in Florida for turning endangered python and alligator skins into handbags, which sold to rich bitches at Bergdorf’s.
OK, the law’s the law. She’s wrong. But ending her whole life while thieves, killers, murderers zip off with just a slap? They knife, kill, shoot, maim — and no penalty. And that’s fair? In NYC, that’s today’s criminal justice because Dragg Snagg Bragg wants that Soros cash behind whatever’s his career so he can go further? And why doesn’t Soros put that money into my bank account — and leave us alone?
But, still, we have the greatest politicians. One councilman came up with a terrific solution to relieve NYC’s traffic problems — encourage car theft.
Only in New York, kids, only in New York.
