DEAR ABBY: My daughter is in eighth grade at a small personal college. The issue is, she doesn’t have any associates there. Away from college she makes associates simply. However round classmates she has recognized for years, she’s quiet and awkward. She isn’t invited to events or different enjoyable actions. She desires to make associates and take part conversations however doesn’t know the way. (I’m no assist. I had the identical drawback at her age.) Her dad and I inform her highschool can be simpler, however she doesn’t need to wait. Do you have got one thing that may assist her? — MOM OF AN OUTSIDER IN MISSOURI
DEAR MOM: By the point seventh grade rolls round, “cliques” have often solidified, and the members are usually not beneficiant about admitting outsiders. I agree that issues will enhance when your daughter will get into highschool. As freshmen, everybody begins out on equal footing, and since courses are bigger and college students are funneling in from different colleges, there’s extra alternative to satisfy new folks. I converse from expertise. I used to be excluded once I moved to a brand new college in seventh grade, and I understand how it felt.
The topic of social dexterity has been in my column earlier than as a result of readers of all ages ask about it. It’s necessary to grasp that few people are born socially adept. It’s a talent that have to be discovered, then polished till it turns into second nature. A part of being social is exhibiting an curiosity in others. A smile is a superb icebreaker, and one of many secrets and techniques of being charming is being a superb listener.
The keys to being favored by each sexes are easy: Be variety. Be trustworthy. Be tactful. Provide a praise — however provided that it’s deserved. Be effectively groomed, tastefully dressed and acutely aware of your posture. Assured people stand tall. One other helpful icebreaker is to ask others what they suppose and be open to listening to their opinions. Be a superb listener and other people will suppose you’re a genius.
I publish a booklet, “How To Be Common,” for folks of all ages. It accommodates many different helpful suggestions for sharpening social abilities. You possibly can order one in your daughter by sending your identify and handle, plus a verify or cash order for $8 (U.S. funds), to: Expensive Abby Reputation Booklet, P.O. Field 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. Transport and dealing with are included within the value.
Some individuals are anxious socially as a result of they grow to be so targeted on their very own insecurities, it distracts them from reaching out. The answer to that’s: Focus on the different particular person. In case your daughter tries it, she’s going to discover that it really works.
DEAR ABBY: Considered one of my co-workers involves work with totally different garments on a regular basis. I overheard her telling one other co-worker she buys garments, hides the tags, then returns them after she wears them. She stated she avoids sporting fragrance so the garments don’t “scent.” She additionally pays money. For my part, it is a type of stealing. Your ideas? — WORKING WITH A THIEF
DEAR WORKING: I agree with you. Whereas there’s nothing you are able to do about it, it could consolation you to know that when this occurs repeatedly, some shops refuse to promote extra gadgets to the perpetrator.
Expensive Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also referred to as Jeanne Phillips, and was based by her mom, Pauline Phillips. Contact Expensive Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Field 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
